Here Barry, hold my purse. How DARE that moderator let this get so out of hand.
Obama is the shepherd I did not want.
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa ‘s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s George Washington’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Washington told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s Barack Obama ‘s clock?” asked the man.
“Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
Picture courtesy of Son of the South
A cowboy walked into a bank in New
York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to London on
business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that
he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some
form of security for the loan, so the cowboy
handed over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car was parked on the street in front of the
bank. The man produced the title and everything checked
out. The loan
officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan
and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank’s president and its officers all
enjoyed a good laugh at the cowboy from the sticks
for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the
bank’s underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the cowboy returned, repaid
the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, ‘Sir, we are very happy to have
had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away,
checked you out and found that you are a
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
The cowboy replied, ‘Where else in New
York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07
and expect it to be there when I return?’
Don ‘t ever underestimate a cowboy!
Thanks to jpsfudimo from GCP forums
From American Thinker
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!
SARAH PALIN: Where’s my shotgun?
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?